Oh. my. goodness.
Well, now it's officially been too long and I feel, actually not too bad, it's something that I've had to do, I've been doing a lot of schoolwork and I mean ALOT. Plus, lots of living, lots of wandering from Love's arms and wondering whether or not I really want to live for Him and it's funny how God is always pointing everything in my life to Him, I always like to think I've got this whole faith thing figured out and the truth is I haven't.
I've had a lot of worldly influence lately and it's been taking it's toll, I've searched for comfort, for love, for affirmation in the most unfulfilling places and this is what it feels like - the most incomprehensible emptiness, a thorough lack of joy and inspiration, in the words of Flyleaf -
"I saw the queen/Swam up below her star on sea beneath/Though I lifted up my hands to her/She never lifted me/Something's missing in me/I felt it deep within me/As lovers left me to bleed alone"So yeah, I've lived a lot lately, my heart has felt a number of things too, jealousy and a lot of love, or at least what feels like love at this age and it's kinda scary, I have such a great capacity for love and this scares me because everyone wants to love and be loved back and if the latter doesn't happen then well, the heart breaks.
And yes, my heart is breaking, for my generation, there are things that I can't even begin to explain in this blog, I literally broke down in tears today, people are wasting their lives, their destinies and their virtues in the most heartbreaking of ways and no one is brave enough to say anything.
And I wandered from God recently so I've had the opportunity to see this on a deeper level but then I heard this amazing song from this new band that I completely adore, Nevertheless...
"I want to come closer
But you are so distant
Lately your thoughts are so far
And I want to show you all that you're missing
I'll meet you right where you are
Oh love, I've always known you
Oh love, you've always been mine
Oh love, I'm only asking you for your life"
