Throwing away my idols...not pleasant...

So...

Life happens right? Well, I say that life is just outright weird sometimes, humans are weird, behaviours, everything, sometimes I feel like this big ol' head of my head is spinning.
I have things in my life, that keep me from following my Jesus the way I should, that take my focus away from the truly important things in my life.

"The most important things in life are not things"

My relationships - with God, with my family, with my friends and myself, these are important, and I haven't been paying attention. I didn't want to open my eyes because I was scared I would see the truth. (Whoa, I feel a song coming from this)
So, I've made up my mind, for a day at least, it'll probably be more, I'm going to stay away from Twilight, it's not going to be easy, and I can feel my flesh screaming at me in angry protest, but it must be done. I can feel myself doing this a lot more this year, I'm in my senior year of high-school, focus is something I will not be able to do without.
First off, I need my God, He is my heart, I don't feel like saying that He owns my heart is enough anymore. Without Him, I am not alive, not truly anyway, I cannot feel and there is nothing to feel, if not Him.
I need His strength, and when it comes to Him, I just need, He is my everything, everything about Him. I want Him to consume me in the reality of who He is and the reality of who I am in Him.
Then, my studies, I have to do well, I have to let myself do well, I can't be allowing myself to be held back by stupid ideas and stupid excuses, I will work hard for what I want, for what God has for me.
Of course, my friends and family, they quite simply, they're my world. I need to be there for people, to be the best sister, the best friend, the best daughter, that I can be, for them. I want to hold them when they cry, I want to draw them closer to Jesus, I want to make them laugh and forget they had any problems in the first place, I want to be a shoulder they can lean on, I want to bring hope, love, comfort and truth and growth to their lives...
and I will...

Squeee, life is good, it's all good...:)

So...

Hello, 'ello, people of the cyber world, my friends, hehe, how are you today?
It's been a while, yeah, I know that, but life has been crazy, a LOT has happened this week, some good, some bad, but it's all worked out for good...
OK so today was the last day of my work experience, it was a really good day, it was awesome, I love the people I worked with even more now, I know it's weird but I'm going to miss them sooo much. The kids too, aww, my kids, (quiet sob) I love them, and I'm even considering going to work there for real sometime in the near future. Now that, would be pure awesomeness.
I've learnt so much, I pondered quite a lot of this on the train back home...I love moments like that, when it's just God and me, alone in my thoughts, it's beautiful.
I learnt so much about myself, about adulthood, about life, a wealth of emotions and a wealth of experiences. That was one of the best parts of working with children, each day was different, it really was.
But most of all, working really gave me an appreciation for people, humans are truly beautiful, yes, there are bad aspects about people, things that cannot be denied, it's true, I won't deny that. But we mustn't let them close our eyes to the good, people are kind, people are wonderful, I saw so much of that this week.

"God loves each of us as if there were only one of us."

So...

Buh-bye now :)

He's doing such a work in my heart today :)

So...

I've been having one of those days where I can just feel that God is doing a serious work in my heart, in my mind too. All day long I've been thinking about what it means to be a person who loves God, what it means for me, what it should mean for the people in my life, the people who get to be around me. I just, sometimes I don't feel like I'm impacting people enough, not the way I'm supposed to at least.
Earlier on today, I ventured into my yahoo mailbox, I found out in yahoo news that Patrick Swayze, the guy from Dirty Dancing passed away just today. It made me pretty sad and it took me about two minutes before I could recover myself enough to tell my sister the news, he was 57 years old. I don't think that's enough time on earth, but I'm praying for his family and loved ones, that God would really give them the strength to get through this difficult time, that they would not cry because Patrick's time on earth is over but that a wonderful man such as him was there with them in the first place.
But this really made me think, our time on earth is so, so short. One minute you're five, then you're fifteen. Time is passing, every day, every hour, every minute and every second. Life is moving, it doesn't stop for one second.
But my God, my beautiful God, time is in His hands, the same way that I am in His hands, and that, well that just makes me smile.
I want my life on earth to make God happy, I want to follow this Saviour of mine relentlessly, uncompromisingly, I nee
d to. It is the only way to live, every other way of life is just existing, and I don't just want to exist, I want to live. I've seen that freedom, the real kind, only comes from having surrendered to Him.

"...there is a God present who at that very moment takes possession of you. You may not feel it... but God takes possession if you will trust Him. When God has begun the work of absolute surrender in you, and when God has accepted your surrender, then God holds Himself bound to care for it and to keep it. Will you believe that? In this matter of surrender there are two: God and I-- I a worm, God the everlasting and omnipotent Jehovah. Worm, will you be afraid to trust yourself to this mighty God now? God is willing. Do you not believe that He can keep you continually, day by day, and moment by moment? "

I've been screwing up in that area lately, I haven't really been leading a surrendered life, this is why my day feels so empty sometimes, my heart knows that something, someone, a very important someone is missing.
But I've made up my mind, I will follow Him tirelessly, I will follow Him as the blind, I will spend the rest of my life in His embrace.

And I pray you'll do the same...:)
Buh-bye now

My life is the songs I write :)

So...

I'm a song-writer 'kay? I've been one for about three or four months now. It's so weird to me sometimes how it seems to come so easily when only about five or six months ago, it sounded like the most difficult thing in the world. My song-writing is very much a "God" thing, you know one of those things you just know God did in your life, something that is nearly entirely outside of your own ability or choice. I literally woke up one morning and started writing, the words just seemed to come and then when I got home to my keyboard, melodies, piano parts just came. Just like that.
I'll show you what I believe to be my best song :)

Still We Walk

[Verse 1]


The smell of death in the air
Many are fallen
The dark skies persist
And yet, we remain
You and I

The dry earth is proof
Proof of what has been
The rain refuses to come
But even in my wilderness


You are God
You are God

(Chorus)


Times have changed
I have changed
Yet You remain the same
My promise has faltered
I trusted in horses
In all this, You love me
You love me
And still we walk


[Verse 2]
Remember the day
The day I chose the path
The road less travelled
My eyes blind me to the truth
So who will I run to?
Who will stand with me?
Whom have I besides You?
You are God
You're still my God


(Chorus)


{Bridge}
Out of the depths
I cry to You
You reach for me
Call me by another name
I am Yours
And still we walk


(Chorus)


© Anita George 2009

I'll explain why I chose certain words, do bear in mind that I wrote this in about twenty-six minutes or so, I was just really getting into it that's at all. I really focused my mind and my heart on what I was trying to say and God brought the words.
"The smell of death in the air" - See, I liken faith to somewhat of a battle, and in every battle, there are casualties, so this is one reason for this particular choice of words. Again, when you are going through brokeness, God allows certain parts of your character, things that were holdind you back from being all He wants you to be to die.
"Many are fallen" - Again with the casualties part, different people will put their hope in different things, personally, I put my faith in God, these people fall, not to die physically but dreams die, plans die, potentials and even hope dies in their life, it's sad to see but it does happen.
"The dark skies persist" - Hopelessness is a recurring theme in the world we live in today.
"And yet we remain, you and I" - My hand is still in God's despite the fact that I've been through quite a lot.
So yeah, I just had to tell you this...
Buh-bye now :)

Happy times people, happy times...haha

So...

I didn't post yesterday, something I am silently cursing myself for by the way...
But yeah, a lot has happened since Friday...
Sit back and allow me to treat you to the 411, haha, I'm such a nerd...
Well, we got to the church event at Alexandra Palace pretty late, it was a struggle to actually find seats but the whole thing was amazing. Very moving, God's presence was incredibly tangible, the worship was so divine, there was a lot of prayer going on, God had already told me that He was planning great things for the event but even I was taken aback by just how amazing it was :)
I was sleepy as heck though, haha. The event was from 10:00 until about 3:00 or 4:00 am in the morning. At one point, I even felt a little bit of drool making its way out of mouth. Yes I know, eww, very unladylike, gross, yeah, I get it :P
But it was all pretty amazing, and it's events like that which cause me to fall in love with Jesus all over again. I fall more and more in love with Him everyday, it's something I can't control, something I wouldn't want to stop even if I could control it. The fact is, when it comes to the Saviour of my soul, there is just too much to love. He is my everything; my Lord, my best Friend, my mentor, my Love, my Deliverer, my Redeemer, my companion, my Truth, He is my heart.

"As I wake into Your day,I'll find my self looking towards Your way, Into darkness I slept, Unto lightness I woke, Each wake I find my self drawing closer to You"

But yeah, these are the things in my heart today...
Buh-bye now :DAnd then today, there was church, it was simply amazing. I'm the children's pastor at the church I attend and the kids blow me away everytime. They've officially captured a part of my heart with their innocence and I love them to bits :)