Picking up, although, hardly where we left off...

Okay, so I'm not going to start the post with "so..." like I usually do because this time, I've actually been away for quite some time so it's hardly appropriate anymore.
Alot has happened since the last time I posted on this blog, I mean, alot. I graduated high-school, had my prom, finished and aced all my exams, started planning for college, so much, so much. I think I've grown tons since then.
On the last day of secondary school, I cried, alot. Haha, I seem to be using that word a little too often in this post. Maybe it's because everything is becoming more intense; my love for God, my hope for my future, leaving a part of my life behind, saying goodbye to people, fighting to keep other people in my life. Everything's immense right now, and I like that, makes me feel human.
I love limitless, passionate living because I honestly think that's what God intended. C'mon, what's life without a little pain or a little fear, and then again, what's life without those moments where you see your dreams come true, where your faith becomes your eyes.
Random thought - I don't know what it is about Bruce Springsteen's "Walking In Memphis" that makes me love life and feel like I can do anything. I don't understand the feeling, but I definitely welcome it.
I've decided that I'm going to update this blog way more frequently, just for my sanity, haha. For some reason, I don't write songs as often as I used to, I plan to change that but I definitely want to keep this blog as another outlet.
Like right now, I'm typing away like a mad woman, just saying whatever, it's pretty healthy.

Anyways, I hope everyone's having a great time and enjoying life
I wish you only the very best and fullest life
live it to the full!
xxx

In the middle of it all...

Oh. my. goodness.
Well, now it's officially been too long and I feel, actually not too bad, it's something that I've had to do, I've been doing a lot of schoolwork and I mean ALOT. Plus, lots of living, lots of wandering from Love's arms and wondering whether or not I really want to live for Him and it's funny how God is always pointing everything in my life to Him, I always like to think I've got this whole faith thing figured out and the truth is I haven't.
I've had a lot of worldly influence lately and it's been taking it's toll, I've searched for comfort, for love, for affirmation in the most unfulfilling places and this is what it feels like - the most incomprehensible emptiness, a thorough lack of joy and inspiration, in the words of Flyleaf -

"I saw the queen/Swam up below her star on sea beneath/Though I lifted up my hands to her/She never lifted me/Something's missing in me/I felt it deep within me/As lovers left me to bleed alone"

So yeah, I've lived a lot lately, my heart has felt a number of things too, jealousy and a lot of love, or at least what feels like love at this age and it's kinda scary, I have such a great capacity for love and this scares me because everyone wants to love and be loved back and if the latter doesn't happen then well, the heart breaks.
And yes, my heart is breaking, for my generation, there are things that I can't even begin to explain in this blog, I literally broke down in tears today, people are wasting their lives, their destinies and their virtues in the most heartbreaking of ways and no one is brave enough to say anything.
And I wandered from God recently so I've had the opportunity to see this on a deeper level but then I heard this amazing song from this new band that I completely adore, Nevertheless...

"I want to come closer



But you are so distant


Lately your thoughts are so far


And I want to show you all that you're missing


I'll meet you right where you are
Oh love, I've always known you


Oh love, you've always been mine


Oh love, I'm only asking you for your life"

Too long, tooooooo long but smiles anyway :DDD

Soooooo...

Wow, okay, so it's definitely been too long now but I've had issues with this laptop of mine as well as school stuff and just life happening, and oh, did I mention, I've also been very lazy, I suck, no need to remind me, this I know, very well.
Anyways, well, life has happened, a lot has happened and I almost don't have the patience to tell you everything but positive things, loads of curves and bumps in the road, my God likesto keep things interesting and this is what He does. Sometimes I just sit down and smile and think about all the cool stories I'm gonna have for my kids, and grandkids, and hopefully, my great-grand-kids, I know I've always said I want to live long but it's especially for them. I never knew my great-grand-ma, I heard very little about the person she was but from the little I have heard, she was a very lovely and caring woman, can't wait to meet her in heaven one day.
I've had a ton of exams lately, as well as college interview :D Yup, I'm pretty happy about this, I'm starting to get this whole discipline thing worked out, see it's all about Jesus, when my eyes are on Him, everything else just falls into place, freakishly easy too, freakishly easy.
And dudes, there are times when I just feel like I've let myself down, and trust me, I do that quite often but then the Spirit reminds me that the same power that raised Jesus from the grave is living in me, working in me, breathing into me every single day of my life, isn't that just the craziest thing? Strange ways to save the world, eh?
Haha, but well, God is good, He's very good. Of late, I've had my eyes opened wider to His goodness and it is mind-blowing! I've attended a few times, this church called VPA, so annointed with a Pastor that just loves God and is so annointed and has an incredible desire to see God work in the lives of His people. And man, isn't that what I want? I want the entirety of the living God, all of Him, or I want nothing to do with religion.
And it's crazy because, "religion" as most of us know it has very little to do with intimacy with God, which sucks, I cannot begin to tell you how much that really sucks, honestly. Before I got saved, I didn't even KNOW that you could have this kind of closeness with God, isn't that weird? I had no clue, no idea, it didn't seem like a real possibility to me at the time.
But man was I floored when He came into my life...
Anyways, what do I want to say amidst all these utterly inconsistent ramblings?
God loves you, I mean, the whole no-holds-barred kinda love...

"You're saved when you believe in God but you're changed when you realise that He believes in you"
:DDDD Byeeeee

Dancing and juggling, good fun, good fun :D

Sooooo...

It has been a good long while since I last updated, again, for the millionth time, I am giving myself a mental beat-down.
But in all this, God has been oh so good, never letting go of my hand and taking me through the worst and being ever-so-present through the best. What am I doing right now? Watching some good ol' Disney channel. Oddly enough, I actually like some of the Disney stars, I'll be honest Disney isn't the first place to go to for authenticity but I have a soft spot for Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez, especially Selena. They're human okay? I think it's easy to forget that sometimes.
Anyhoozer, there is so much going on in my  life right now, exam preparation, coursework, headgirl duties, growing up and becoming a Proverbs 31 woman, not always feeling pretty enough, days when I feel gorgeous, learning to organise myself better, learning to put God first in everything, a whole ton of stuff that I'm juggling.
But it's all good fun and it's all in God's good will so yes, I find myself being on my knees more often, but time like that is good for moi.

Buh-bye now :D

Sweetness :)

So...

Haha okay, I have been neglecting to update this blog for some time now, I don't even know why really because, there's just no point in neglecting something that I know I so badly love to do.
So, the point I'm trying to make? I am a stupidhead, a big ol' one too.
Anyways, life is pretty sweet right now, though with a few setbacks, you can't do without those if you really want to fulfill your God-given destiny. I'd say I'm a pretty strong girl, the things I've gone through have made me so. My life, the way it is right now, eight years ago, this is definitely not what I would've expected and I think that it's a good thing. I know who's in charge, God, not me.
And I'm not without my insecurities either, these past couple of weeks have taught me that I have my fair share of those. And all of these things, just make me want to run into my Daddy's strong arms and stay there forever. It humbles me, makes me want to listen, makes me see myself for what I really am. I think I was getting to a place where I thought I was almost invincinble, like I had no insecurities, and that's never the truth is it? So I thank God for the hard stuff I've experienced in recent times.
The aftermath of the pain and the fire is actually pretty sweet, I'll be honest.
So the crap we're going through right now, God will make it worthwhile, He woud never, ever waste our pain.
Just thought I'd share this with you.

Buh-bye now :D

Let's do this..

So...

Let's do this consistency thingy, funnily enough, I actually believe that I'm starting to get a hang of this. All of those difficult words - consistency, discipline, control. Man, I've just not gotten the hang of it for most of my life.
But today...well, I actually feel like I can do it.
See, I'm at this stage where I'm at the verge of the rest of my life and I know that every decision I make will impact my life, either for the better or for the worse. And I also know that we are not a product of what we do, but we are a product of what we repeat. And truthfully, old habits die hard so if you've gotten into the habit of procrastination, you can feel my pain right now.
It's just, it really is the hardest thing to break away from because you get used to all these stupid mindsets and you can actually tell yourself, most of the time, that you have an excuse for your laziness and seriously, I'm tired of living that way.
But today was a good day, had my yearbook pictures taken today. I know that I'll look back on all this stuff one day and just laugh my head off. I love being young, I love making mistakes and not knowing stuff and discovering new things about myself, about Jesus every single day, I love the carelessness and carefreeness of it.
I got the most terrible headache though, thankfully when I got to my Maths lesson, I was actually able to pay attention for more than five minutes and do some much needed revision of circle theorems and it was good, productive.
And then there's the bestie - Katherine, I love that girl. Spending time with her just makes me remember this passage from the Bible and it just rings true, "A man of many companions may fall but there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother", and we've stood by each other through a lot and we have the best and craziest memories. We could literally laugh together forever and we know each other better than anyone else. I'm gonna miss that kid when we leave secondary school.
Anyways, I can feel myself maturing, almost to the point where it's scary and then I'm reminded of a saying I've heard before - "When I was a child, I reasoned as a child..." and it's always weird for me because sometimes I still can't believe I'm getting older, going off to college and everything, it's still weird because  a part of me is just screaming, "This is happening wayyy too soon" but it is happening and it's time to embrace it.
Let's do this :)

Buh-bye now :D

Blah blah blah...

So...

Having the most random day, and I'm really getting into Glee, one of the first new shows that I've really taken an interest in, in a looong time. I like TV, a lot, but I'm far more of a movie-with-friends-and-family person so I tend to only ever watch TV when there's good company. I can never seem to shut up, haha. Even when I was watching my favourite movie of the century, Avatar, me and my sister couldn't shut up in the cinema. We weren't too loud or anything, we just love a good chat and there were things that I know I wouldn't have laughed about if I wasn't there with her.
My pastor is quite a frank, straight-to-the-point kinda guy and on his office door, where everyone can see it says, "This year - control your mouth". In my life, control and mouth tend to kinda avoid it each other like the plague. This is bad. So very bad.
When I look back on my life, there is a lot of crap that I could have just avoided had I just taken the time to actually think about what I'm saying or just refrain from saying certain things at all.
And a couple of weeks ago, I experienced firsthand how words can really impact a life. Someone said something that sounded kinda small, it was less than ten words but it stayed with me for about three days, constantly haunting my mind, eating away at my confidence, slowly ebbing away at my insecurities and boy did it suck.
I don't want to be the kinda person that kills dreams and hearts with their words, if there is a single thing that I want to do in this life, it's to encourage and inspire, and make people happy. I want to love people through my words and I want people to see the love of God in me.
It's kinda odd that the same mouth that I use to bless the God of Heaven is sometimes the mouth that I use to curse or hurt someone, it's darn shameful I tell you. It makes no sense and you can serve only one master.
I plan to serve God.
Simple as that.

"Let my words be few"

Buh-bye now :)