Love like a hurricane...

So...

I've lived a lot these past couple of days, you really have no idea how much, I'm so in thought thse days, which can be a good thing most of the time but too often, I end up over-analysing simple things.
People, life isn't that hard.
God has got our backs, He's got us. I think that's important to remember; He's got us in His hands, in His thoughts, in His reach, in His heart, in His plan. Put it this way - you're sorted.
It doesn't matter what you're going through right now or how bad things seem to be, it doesn't matter that you don't understand your situation, that sometimes you don't understand yourself, He's got you, you won't fall.
There's a bit of turmoil in my heart today so I was pretty much saying that stuff to both you and myself.
God is just calling me back to Him, through everything, with everything and in everything, it's amazing...

"He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy, when all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory and I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me"

It's funny how right now, I've got so much to do, so many expectations to live up to, but yet, I feel so light, I can actually do this; school, the headgirl business, life, growing up, learning, loving, I can do this.

The first of many I guess...

So...

Well, I'm the headgirl in my school, it's a nice position to be in, loads of prospects, I love it so much already, and I'm loving year 11 just as much...
I'm a bit of weirdo aren't I? My favourite year in secondary school is the one that's supposed to be the most arduous and the most strenuous. Truthfully, I can't really explain why I love year 11 so much, maybe it's the new wave of confidence that washes through me everytime I walk the halls as a senior, or it could be the way I'm constantly being challenged in new and exciting new ways, it could also be the way I'm forced to lay out all my cards on the table, be all that I can be.
I'm so giddy right now, you have no idea.
I'm not like most people, something I've really come to realise in this past year, it's like ever since I've surrendered my personality to Jesus, I finally know who I am, I have a true sense of self, I'm who I'm meant to be, of course I'm as flawed as can be, there's no doubting that, but the fact that I know that, the fact that my shortcomings don't frighten me half to death, that's something that makes me smile.

"Do I know my own real identity? My own real destiny? I am a child of God. God is my Father; heaven is my home; every day is one day nearer. My Saviour is my brother; every human is my brother too."

So, today was my first day as a headgirl, I got formally introduced to the year group in assembly, I was nervous as anything but it felt natural. Even more proof that this is where God wants me to be in this season.
Today, I got to meet a journalist from The Independent, it was a lot of fun, very interesting, busy, challenging, but I love that aspect of what I do.
More and more, I feel myself growing into the kind of leader that I want to be; oddly enough, this whole "headgirl" thing has not caused me to be prideful, I'm just very happy, very content, and I have a great understanding of the school that I've been a part of for nearly five years.

Woohoo!

So...

School today was...interesting...?
Is that the right word Anita? Seriously?
It was flippin' amazing!
OK, so I'll admit, I'll admit that there were a few rough spots, there were a few moments where I was a bit doubtful, some moments I was just plain tired or plain bored. I had two exams today; a Science exam and a Business Studies exam, they were both awesome, I was pretty well prepared and I feel good about my performance.
And today, today, well I found out that I'm the headgirl in my school, kinda like the link betwen the prefects in the school and the headteacher herself. I'm still thanking God like crazy. I know this is a gift and I know that I do not deserve it, I am just grateful. I also know what I have to offer; I have so much to give, so many ideas, I just want to help, I just want to love people, I want to make God proud.
I remember when the headteacher told us earlier on, when she said my name followed after the headgirl position, my jaw dropped and I barely got in a muffled "thank you". Pssh, as if that's enough, seiously could I have picked a more wrong choice of words at that moment, "thank you" is a big, fat nothing!
I feel different, changed, if you will. This whole prefectship experience has changed me so much and in a few short months, I've grown up sooo much. It's not been easy, it's been a little nervewracking and it's made me ask myself some serious questions. Am I ready to do this? Will I come through? Will I be able to meet the expectations?
The answer is fast and simple...yes.
I don't know how, all I know is that I want this, more than a lot of things right now, I know I can do this, I know who I am and I know God brought me thus far for a reason.

"I live for Him, I share His love, my deeds are changed, His glory they tell."

I feel like there's something floating over my head, a reminder of responsibility, that I am not the same person I was three short months ago. I am her but I am definitely not the same. There is a lot more confidence to me now, a lot more strength of character as well. I feel, well beautiful and intelligent, hahaha, weird. I feel strong, more sure of who I am and what my limits are, or of the fact that there is no limit to what my God can do.

Buh-bye now :)

The wait is on!

So...

I'm a senior prefect at my school and I'm applying for the position of head-girl, for all of you who aren't familliar with the more European ways, no, it's not just in Harry Potter :P
But it's a pretty big deal, and tomorrow, I will be told whether or not I have made it as the head-girl of my school or as the deputy head-girl, I'm pretty confident that this is in God's hands, He is the one writing my story so there's no reason at all to worry or fear, everything, well, everything is good, everything is very good...
I've just eaten a very good meal, I had a lot of time to think about my life thus far...
It's been a pretty amazing journey, I have the most amazing God, I don't even remember what I was going to do before He came into my life. So, my birth certificate and passport obviously say '94 but I believe that I was truly born in '08, that's the year when Jesus called me to Him, this is what it means to be alive.
The world has so many different, mixed-up ideas about being alive, I've tried out many of them too, and trust me when I say that none of them have ever felt this right, it's like my entire being is just agreeing with me on this...there's no doubt.
God has given me the most amazing life, He doesn't let me regret the years I spent in the darkness without Him...He doesn't let me regret choosing Him over myself, over this world, over life as we commonly know it.

"You have shown my ever wondering heart what love is, what on earth is more important than to have all of You"

Something that keeps popping up in this brain of mine is doing what is right, the problem I have is that I pretty much always know what's right but I never do it, now, this needs to change - big time!
Right decisions, they impact your life in so many amazing ways, it's not complicated, it's not difficult, it's just about doing what's right in this moment, because it'll change your life forever. I believe in taking things one day at a time, being in the present as much as I possibly can, this also means putting God first, doing what I know is right, it's not often the easiest option but it definitely is the best.
I love seeing joy in my parent's eyes when I do well, I love that look on their faces more than anything, especially my mom. And I want to do well, I have to allow myself to do well, because of Jesus, because of me.


Buh-bye now :)

It's been TOO long...

So...

It's been forever since I last updated this blog, I still remember that promise that I made to myself, that I'd keep writing, no matter what, I have every intention of keeping that promise, believe me...
Well, a LOT has happened since the last time I posted a new blog on here...
I'm a senior now, I feel so confident these days, confident of who I am in God, confident of my abilities, there's an air of cool that comes with being a senior...I am not oblivious to it obviously...
It's an amazing feeling, growing up has been so much fun, of course there have been rough spots in the journey, but I'm happy about the whole thing in general...
I'm in year 11 now, which is my final year in secondary school, it's the scariest, most amazing thing in the world to me right now because it feels like just yesterday that I was in year 7, time flies and time waits for no one...all of this just makes me see more and more that our time here is so short. Our human journey is quickly over before you know it, it's wonderful and terrifying too...
That God has seen my entire life, from the moment I was conceived 'til now, well that's a big thought, a thought too big for this human mind...

"From the cradle to the grave,I've watched with eyes of love, and seen each moment of your life, from My home above."

As well, I'm a prefect, it's a crazy big position in year 11, it's about being a role model, it's about contributing to school life and to the lives of those around you, it's about being a voice for the students, it's about relating to the other students in a way that the members of staff simply cannot.
It's a big thing, and I'm praying my way through this one seriously, it's well, it's a lot of responsibility - I have to keep my grades up, I have to maintain a high standard of behaviour at all times, it's a lot, yeah, I know.
It's just, so weird to be at the top of the school, to be the one that the rest of the school is looking to for guidance - whether they realise it or not. And, it's something I'm really beginning to like.
Yes, very much so.


Buh-bye now :)

My Resolve...

So...

Today is what? Sunday now...
Today was AMAZING. Seriously speaking...
The kids at church today were amazing, I love teaching them about God, I love teaching them the truth, it's not about religion, it's not about me, it's about a God who is all about people.
I loved seeing their eyes light up when I told them the reason for the rainbow...

12 And God said, "This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: 13 I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. 14 Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, 15 I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. 16 Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth."
17 So God said to Noah, "This is the sign of the covenant I have established between me and all life on the earth."

But yeah, church was amazing, I love what I do to serve God and man, I wouldn't have my life any other way. I suppose that I shouldn't be too surprised at where God has brought me, surely, I knew that in one way or the other that I would be doing something like this, actively serving in God's house. It was bound to happen.
Now, when I look back, it's so obvious, God always hand His hand on me, even when I withdrew my hands from His, I would end up returning to my first Love, I would end up burning with a fiery love for Him, there was no other way for me.
OK, what else?
School tomorrow...I'm so excited...
I love school, now there was a time when I didn't think I'd be able to say that truthfully but the truth is that now, nothing could be more true.
Hahaha...


Buh-bye now
:)

Throwing away my idols...not pleasant...

So...

Life happens right? Well, I say that life is just outright weird sometimes, humans are weird, behaviours, everything, sometimes I feel like this big ol' head of my head is spinning.
I have things in my life, that keep me from following my Jesus the way I should, that take my focus away from the truly important things in my life.

"The most important things in life are not things"

My relationships - with God, with my family, with my friends and myself, these are important, and I haven't been paying attention. I didn't want to open my eyes because I was scared I would see the truth. (Whoa, I feel a song coming from this)
So, I've made up my mind, for a day at least, it'll probably be more, I'm going to stay away from Twilight, it's not going to be easy, and I can feel my flesh screaming at me in angry protest, but it must be done. I can feel myself doing this a lot more this year, I'm in my senior year of high-school, focus is something I will not be able to do without.
First off, I need my God, He is my heart, I don't feel like saying that He owns my heart is enough anymore. Without Him, I am not alive, not truly anyway, I cannot feel and there is nothing to feel, if not Him.
I need His strength, and when it comes to Him, I just need, He is my everything, everything about Him. I want Him to consume me in the reality of who He is and the reality of who I am in Him.
Then, my studies, I have to do well, I have to let myself do well, I can't be allowing myself to be held back by stupid ideas and stupid excuses, I will work hard for what I want, for what God has for me.
Of course, my friends and family, they quite simply, they're my world. I need to be there for people, to be the best sister, the best friend, the best daughter, that I can be, for them. I want to hold them when they cry, I want to draw them closer to Jesus, I want to make them laugh and forget they had any problems in the first place, I want to be a shoulder they can lean on, I want to bring hope, love, comfort and truth and growth to their lives...
and I will...