Now, this time, it's REALLY been too long...

Soooooo...

It's been too long, that much is obvious now...
I updated like last month, now that's shameful but I do have a valid reason; my sister's laptop (which I use to do all of my blogging), it broke down and for like three weeks it had to be repaired, after that, I've been really busy with my Mock exams and loads of school stuff, not to mention that I fell pretty ill in between all of that.
But I'm back now, and hopefully for good too...:)
So what have we missed?

The illness -
First of all, it started with a really dry throat and then a sore throat followed that and just when I was starting to get better, I woke up the next morning with my bones aching and with a fiery hot body (not in the attractive way lol, I wish). I went to school that day anyway and boy did I pay for it or what...I couldn't concentrate and my body temperature went even higher and everything continued to hurt. It was so irritating because it started to play games with me, sometimes my temperature would return to normal then out of nowhere, I'd get really hot again, but alas, my God is good and I survived...no swine flu here lol.

Mock exams -
I was really prepared for the study leave, with the exception of my first Maths paper; I don't think I did too well on that one, one of my worst examinations ever. Period. Everything else went swimmingly and the study leave (which I'm currently still on) has been all kinds of awesomeness. I got to hang out with friends in between exams and that was really cool. It's also really challenged me and it's made me want to do exceedingly well in the real GCSE exams, more so than ever. It's also given me a taster of what it'll be like when I leave, it's so weird being in year 11, really you've never been more a part of your school but at the same time, you're on the edge, you're about to leave, and the memory of you, well, it does start to diminish after a while.

Life -
Things have happened lately, more like yesterday, things that nearly stole my peace from me, but God, He's so beautiful and so good. It's funny, I have begun to understand that faith is not reasonable. Reasonable is not dancing and praising God when you've lost something you've worked very hard for. Reasonable is not laughing and smiling when everyone else around you is crying or brokenhearted. Reasonable is not saying that God is in control when your eyes tell you otherwise.
So there it is, I'm the most unreasonable person I know.
Anyways a few things to remember when the storm hits -

"God will never let you go through something that is too tough for you, He has prepared you for what you're going through right now.
True faith says, "let God be the truth and every man a liar."
The Hands that hold the earth in place are holding your heart and your life.
God never leaves your side."

Also, Christmas is upon us! Woopdeedooooo! I so cannot wait, my brother-in-law is coming over for Christmas just like year and I can't wait. I've been listening to Christmas songs all through, having chocolate biscuits and watching Christmas movies, the whole shindig! I LOVE Christmas, I love taking time to appreciate the magnitude of what Jesus' birth meant for me and continues to mean for me. I am a big Christmas person so I'm just going to say Merry Christmas to everyone, have an amazing holiday, whether you've got tons of loved ones around you or not, Jesus is always there so yeah...
Buh-bye now :D

He sees my soul...

So...

Today was a pretty good day, made lots of progress today in a couple of areas...which is plenty of reason to celebrate.
Discipline is something I've never really quite gotten the hang of, still not certain as to whether I ever will but I am making progress, I can't deny that anymore. Organising yourself, learning about your priorities, what's important to you and what simply doesn't matter, those are things I've been having to learn a lot of.
And you know what? I can be such a punk sometimes...
Seriously, the level of my callousness and stupidity is impressive sometimes but God knows all of that crap...
That is just one of the many things that is amazing about Him...
He knows me better than anyone, He knows all of my flaws and still He calls me "beautiful", He is amazing and wonderful, it's like I don't have to be anything other than what I am, there's so much pressure to change who you are in this world. Today, I experienced it quite a lot, I really do allow myself to blur the lines sometimes but God is constantly calling me to draw the lines and set restrictions for myself. Accountability will never get old, trust me on that one.

"The depths of my heart and soul are an open book before You, the pages of my thoughts are not unknown to You, this little soul of mine is safe in Your care, and I am only me when I hand myself over to You"

But God sees my soul, if I allow Him to love me, if I allow myself to get lost in that love, everyone will see who I really am too, and they'll see Jesus in me too...

Oh my wow!

So...

It's really has been too long this time...what has it been? Like two weeks or more since I've written last, that's a mighty shame...see, I know I should write, I just really don't feel like it somehow, see this is why I write songs and not stories, speaking of which, I had to write a story this week, it was short, about four pages long, and was based on one of my songs called Horizon...
Lyrics are here...
Horizon

(Verse)

Where did the days go?

Time didn’t play fair
You held my hand
And then you let go
The mirror tells me I’m older
The winter tells us we’re colder

I’m afraid of what’s ahead
I’m running away
Trying to escape the horizon


(Chorus)
The hands of time keep swaying me
I need to stop
I need to think
Sit with me now
Hold me
I need to stop
I need to think
I need to know You’re with me
Lest the tides of time should swallow me

(Verse)
We used to run together
You were on my side
You’re moving too fast
My eyes need to adjust
My life ‘til now is a blur before me
The rush of the wind chills me
I’m afraid of what hasn’t been
I’m running away
Trying to escape the horizon

(Chorus)

(Bridge)
Suddenly I’m not who I used to be
It wasn’t meant to be like this
My place of youth
Can’t I stay a little longer?
The fear in my heart threatens to crush me
But perfect love
Kills all fear


(Chorus)

God is amazing, I wrote that song in like ten minutes, it's weird, I've been thinking about growing up for a while and it can be a bit scary sometimes so it was nice to get that on paper, God is always showing me sooo much, this is what I love about song-writing, it's like my heart on paper, seriously though, if you wanted to get to know me, my songs would probably be the best medium for such a thing. I'm so in tune with who I am and what's going on in my head and I'm commited to being an honest song-writer.
Anyhoozer, today at school, I got my head-girl tie, it's red! Hahaha don't know why I was particularly excited there but I am. The prefects ties are a nice shade of dark blue different to my school's usual navy blue but mine's red! Anyways, it was really cool, nerve-wrecking at first because it's almost like it makes the whole thing official...when I was putting it on, I was flipping out in my head big-time! My friend, who's more like a sister to me, Rosemary helped me put it on because I still don't know how to tie a tie, I was so nervous and excited.
And studying has been on my mind a lot lately, I don't just want to study, I want to be able to come home from school and review and really make an effort to understand what I learnt at school, exams don't scare me anymore, thankfully...
so yup, these are some things I just had to say...
Buh-bye now :D

Growing up = Happy times :)

So...

In case you haven't realised, I'm a happy person, and impossibly happy one at that...
In life, there are so many things to be loved, I'm always smiling when I'm on my way home, I'm always smiling to myself like a crazy fool, I guess that's what loving Jesus does to you, with my sinful nature and my selfishness went my reasoning...ha!
Yeah, growing up, well, it's been fun, the whole thing, not just the recent big-kid/mini-adult part, from the point where my memory actually has archives of stuff until now, it's been really cool...
Sure, a lot of hard work in my life right now, headgirl duties, daughter duties, schoolgirl duties, all of that stuff makes my life all the more worth living...
I was thinking a lot about that today, how I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's, not at all, it's been too much fun! Hahaha
All of the bad stuff, the times I just prayed would end, the points where I felt like God was playing hide 'n' seek with me, the nights I cried in my room, the times I'd stare in the mirror and wish for that ugly girl to go away...
Yeah, I've known pain alright...

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world”

But...I know Love too :)
And really, all that junk in my life, all the bad stuff, that's all lead me to Him and this is why I'm so happy...
The Creator of the Heaven and earth is in my heart this very moment, never to leave me desolate or alone, He will never let me go, He is the strength of my heart, He is what brightens my day quite simply put.
This is why growing up doesn't scare me anymore; sure, there will be bumps in the road but He is here. He is...here.
With you.
With me.
Don't ever forget...

Buh-bye now :)

Illuminating the darkness...:)

So...

Again, I haven't been blogging very consistently, which I do apologise for (if anyone is actually reading this blog besides my best-friends Rose and Katherine).
Anywho, today is Wednesday, school was pretty good today, I had to do some serious work on my music coursework today and it's soundin' pretty good, I must admit.
But life is pretty awesome right now, though I'm pretty appalled at myself right now, God had to literally get my iPod to stop working just so that we could have some valuable Father/daughter time where He could talk to me, get me to see through His eyes and yes, illuminate my darkness...

"I can be, in a crowd, or by myself, and almost anywhere, when I feel there's a need, to talk with God, He is Emmanuel, when I close my eyes, no darkness there, there's only light"

So, He's been speaking to my heart...
See, this whole growing up, in fact, this whole being alive thing is such a journey, and already, it's been the most eventful journey for me...
from the basic things like being responsible and punctual to letting God be God in my life, allowing myself to be loved thoroughly by Him, it's not always easy because there's this seriously human part of me that's screaming, "Lord, I want to do it on. my. own!"
Of course that part of me is the idiot part :P
There is a part of the me that is constantly warring against God's word, His will, and of course, I will never surrender...
So God has been speaking to me about keeping my eyes on Him, something that is very hard for me to do, I always want to do things, to be busy, I want things done in a hurry, this is a fast-paced world but all of that stuff makes my eyes do weird things and it's only when I focus on God that all those other things fall into perspective...
things like school, love, self-esteem, fun times, work, career stuff etc.
Knowing that God holds my heart and my very life, I'm very excited about growing up, I'm so passionate about life, about growing more and more each day, about stepping up and being who I was created to be, there's so little fear in this heart right now.
Not that the occasional bout of fear will not seize me every now and then but God's truth will always beat it back, always...

Buh-bye now
:) <3

Love like a hurricane...

So...

I've lived a lot these past couple of days, you really have no idea how much, I'm so in thought thse days, which can be a good thing most of the time but too often, I end up over-analysing simple things.
People, life isn't that hard.
God has got our backs, He's got us. I think that's important to remember; He's got us in His hands, in His thoughts, in His reach, in His heart, in His plan. Put it this way - you're sorted.
It doesn't matter what you're going through right now or how bad things seem to be, it doesn't matter that you don't understand your situation, that sometimes you don't understand yourself, He's got you, you won't fall.
There's a bit of turmoil in my heart today so I was pretty much saying that stuff to both you and myself.
God is just calling me back to Him, through everything, with everything and in everything, it's amazing...

"He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy, when all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory and I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me"

It's funny how right now, I've got so much to do, so many expectations to live up to, but yet, I feel so light, I can actually do this; school, the headgirl business, life, growing up, learning, loving, I can do this.

The first of many I guess...

So...

Well, I'm the headgirl in my school, it's a nice position to be in, loads of prospects, I love it so much already, and I'm loving year 11 just as much...
I'm a bit of weirdo aren't I? My favourite year in secondary school is the one that's supposed to be the most arduous and the most strenuous. Truthfully, I can't really explain why I love year 11 so much, maybe it's the new wave of confidence that washes through me everytime I walk the halls as a senior, or it could be the way I'm constantly being challenged in new and exciting new ways, it could also be the way I'm forced to lay out all my cards on the table, be all that I can be.
I'm so giddy right now, you have no idea.
I'm not like most people, something I've really come to realise in this past year, it's like ever since I've surrendered my personality to Jesus, I finally know who I am, I have a true sense of self, I'm who I'm meant to be, of course I'm as flawed as can be, there's no doubting that, but the fact that I know that, the fact that my shortcomings don't frighten me half to death, that's something that makes me smile.

"Do I know my own real identity? My own real destiny? I am a child of God. God is my Father; heaven is my home; every day is one day nearer. My Saviour is my brother; every human is my brother too."

So, today was my first day as a headgirl, I got formally introduced to the year group in assembly, I was nervous as anything but it felt natural. Even more proof that this is where God wants me to be in this season.
Today, I got to meet a journalist from The Independent, it was a lot of fun, very interesting, busy, challenging, but I love that aspect of what I do.
More and more, I feel myself growing into the kind of leader that I want to be; oddly enough, this whole "headgirl" thing has not caused me to be prideful, I'm just very happy, very content, and I have a great understanding of the school that I've been a part of for nearly five years.

Woohoo!

So...

School today was...interesting...?
Is that the right word Anita? Seriously?
It was flippin' amazing!
OK, so I'll admit, I'll admit that there were a few rough spots, there were a few moments where I was a bit doubtful, some moments I was just plain tired or plain bored. I had two exams today; a Science exam and a Business Studies exam, they were both awesome, I was pretty well prepared and I feel good about my performance.
And today, today, well I found out that I'm the headgirl in my school, kinda like the link betwen the prefects in the school and the headteacher herself. I'm still thanking God like crazy. I know this is a gift and I know that I do not deserve it, I am just grateful. I also know what I have to offer; I have so much to give, so many ideas, I just want to help, I just want to love people, I want to make God proud.
I remember when the headteacher told us earlier on, when she said my name followed after the headgirl position, my jaw dropped and I barely got in a muffled "thank you". Pssh, as if that's enough, seiously could I have picked a more wrong choice of words at that moment, "thank you" is a big, fat nothing!
I feel different, changed, if you will. This whole prefectship experience has changed me so much and in a few short months, I've grown up sooo much. It's not been easy, it's been a little nervewracking and it's made me ask myself some serious questions. Am I ready to do this? Will I come through? Will I be able to meet the expectations?
The answer is fast and simple...yes.
I don't know how, all I know is that I want this, more than a lot of things right now, I know I can do this, I know who I am and I know God brought me thus far for a reason.

"I live for Him, I share His love, my deeds are changed, His glory they tell."

I feel like there's something floating over my head, a reminder of responsibility, that I am not the same person I was three short months ago. I am her but I am definitely not the same. There is a lot more confidence to me now, a lot more strength of character as well. I feel, well beautiful and intelligent, hahaha, weird. I feel strong, more sure of who I am and what my limits are, or of the fact that there is no limit to what my God can do.

Buh-bye now :)

The wait is on!

So...

I'm a senior prefect at my school and I'm applying for the position of head-girl, for all of you who aren't familliar with the more European ways, no, it's not just in Harry Potter :P
But it's a pretty big deal, and tomorrow, I will be told whether or not I have made it as the head-girl of my school or as the deputy head-girl, I'm pretty confident that this is in God's hands, He is the one writing my story so there's no reason at all to worry or fear, everything, well, everything is good, everything is very good...
I've just eaten a very good meal, I had a lot of time to think about my life thus far...
It's been a pretty amazing journey, I have the most amazing God, I don't even remember what I was going to do before He came into my life. So, my birth certificate and passport obviously say '94 but I believe that I was truly born in '08, that's the year when Jesus called me to Him, this is what it means to be alive.
The world has so many different, mixed-up ideas about being alive, I've tried out many of them too, and trust me when I say that none of them have ever felt this right, it's like my entire being is just agreeing with me on this...there's no doubt.
God has given me the most amazing life, He doesn't let me regret the years I spent in the darkness without Him...He doesn't let me regret choosing Him over myself, over this world, over life as we commonly know it.

"You have shown my ever wondering heart what love is, what on earth is more important than to have all of You"

Something that keeps popping up in this brain of mine is doing what is right, the problem I have is that I pretty much always know what's right but I never do it, now, this needs to change - big time!
Right decisions, they impact your life in so many amazing ways, it's not complicated, it's not difficult, it's just about doing what's right in this moment, because it'll change your life forever. I believe in taking things one day at a time, being in the present as much as I possibly can, this also means putting God first, doing what I know is right, it's not often the easiest option but it definitely is the best.
I love seeing joy in my parent's eyes when I do well, I love that look on their faces more than anything, especially my mom. And I want to do well, I have to allow myself to do well, because of Jesus, because of me.


Buh-bye now :)

It's been TOO long...

So...

It's been forever since I last updated this blog, I still remember that promise that I made to myself, that I'd keep writing, no matter what, I have every intention of keeping that promise, believe me...
Well, a LOT has happened since the last time I posted a new blog on here...
I'm a senior now, I feel so confident these days, confident of who I am in God, confident of my abilities, there's an air of cool that comes with being a senior...I am not oblivious to it obviously...
It's an amazing feeling, growing up has been so much fun, of course there have been rough spots in the journey, but I'm happy about the whole thing in general...
I'm in year 11 now, which is my final year in secondary school, it's the scariest, most amazing thing in the world to me right now because it feels like just yesterday that I was in year 7, time flies and time waits for no one...all of this just makes me see more and more that our time here is so short. Our human journey is quickly over before you know it, it's wonderful and terrifying too...
That God has seen my entire life, from the moment I was conceived 'til now, well that's a big thought, a thought too big for this human mind...

"From the cradle to the grave,I've watched with eyes of love, and seen each moment of your life, from My home above."

As well, I'm a prefect, it's a crazy big position in year 11, it's about being a role model, it's about contributing to school life and to the lives of those around you, it's about being a voice for the students, it's about relating to the other students in a way that the members of staff simply cannot.
It's a big thing, and I'm praying my way through this one seriously, it's well, it's a lot of responsibility - I have to keep my grades up, I have to maintain a high standard of behaviour at all times, it's a lot, yeah, I know.
It's just, so weird to be at the top of the school, to be the one that the rest of the school is looking to for guidance - whether they realise it or not. And, it's something I'm really beginning to like.
Yes, very much so.


Buh-bye now :)

My Resolve...

So...

Today is what? Sunday now...
Today was AMAZING. Seriously speaking...
The kids at church today were amazing, I love teaching them about God, I love teaching them the truth, it's not about religion, it's not about me, it's about a God who is all about people.
I loved seeing their eyes light up when I told them the reason for the rainbow...

12 And God said, "This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: 13 I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. 14 Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, 15 I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. 16 Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth."
17 So God said to Noah, "This is the sign of the covenant I have established between me and all life on the earth."

But yeah, church was amazing, I love what I do to serve God and man, I wouldn't have my life any other way. I suppose that I shouldn't be too surprised at where God has brought me, surely, I knew that in one way or the other that I would be doing something like this, actively serving in God's house. It was bound to happen.
Now, when I look back, it's so obvious, God always hand His hand on me, even when I withdrew my hands from His, I would end up returning to my first Love, I would end up burning with a fiery love for Him, there was no other way for me.
OK, what else?
School tomorrow...I'm so excited...
I love school, now there was a time when I didn't think I'd be able to say that truthfully but the truth is that now, nothing could be more true.
Hahaha...


Buh-bye now
:)

Throwing away my idols...not pleasant...

So...

Life happens right? Well, I say that life is just outright weird sometimes, humans are weird, behaviours, everything, sometimes I feel like this big ol' head of my head is spinning.
I have things in my life, that keep me from following my Jesus the way I should, that take my focus away from the truly important things in my life.

"The most important things in life are not things"

My relationships - with God, with my family, with my friends and myself, these are important, and I haven't been paying attention. I didn't want to open my eyes because I was scared I would see the truth. (Whoa, I feel a song coming from this)
So, I've made up my mind, for a day at least, it'll probably be more, I'm going to stay away from Twilight, it's not going to be easy, and I can feel my flesh screaming at me in angry protest, but it must be done. I can feel myself doing this a lot more this year, I'm in my senior year of high-school, focus is something I will not be able to do without.
First off, I need my God, He is my heart, I don't feel like saying that He owns my heart is enough anymore. Without Him, I am not alive, not truly anyway, I cannot feel and there is nothing to feel, if not Him.
I need His strength, and when it comes to Him, I just need, He is my everything, everything about Him. I want Him to consume me in the reality of who He is and the reality of who I am in Him.
Then, my studies, I have to do well, I have to let myself do well, I can't be allowing myself to be held back by stupid ideas and stupid excuses, I will work hard for what I want, for what God has for me.
Of course, my friends and family, they quite simply, they're my world. I need to be there for people, to be the best sister, the best friend, the best daughter, that I can be, for them. I want to hold them when they cry, I want to draw them closer to Jesus, I want to make them laugh and forget they had any problems in the first place, I want to be a shoulder they can lean on, I want to bring hope, love, comfort and truth and growth to their lives...
and I will...

Squeee, life is good, it's all good...:)

So...

Hello, 'ello, people of the cyber world, my friends, hehe, how are you today?
It's been a while, yeah, I know that, but life has been crazy, a LOT has happened this week, some good, some bad, but it's all worked out for good...
OK so today was the last day of my work experience, it was a really good day, it was awesome, I love the people I worked with even more now, I know it's weird but I'm going to miss them sooo much. The kids too, aww, my kids, (quiet sob) I love them, and I'm even considering going to work there for real sometime in the near future. Now that, would be pure awesomeness.
I've learnt so much, I pondered quite a lot of this on the train back home...I love moments like that, when it's just God and me, alone in my thoughts, it's beautiful.
I learnt so much about myself, about adulthood, about life, a wealth of emotions and a wealth of experiences. That was one of the best parts of working with children, each day was different, it really was.
But most of all, working really gave me an appreciation for people, humans are truly beautiful, yes, there are bad aspects about people, things that cannot be denied, it's true, I won't deny that. But we mustn't let them close our eyes to the good, people are kind, people are wonderful, I saw so much of that this week.

"God loves each of us as if there were only one of us."

So...

Buh-bye now :)

He's doing such a work in my heart today :)

So...

I've been having one of those days where I can just feel that God is doing a serious work in my heart, in my mind too. All day long I've been thinking about what it means to be a person who loves God, what it means for me, what it should mean for the people in my life, the people who get to be around me. I just, sometimes I don't feel like I'm impacting people enough, not the way I'm supposed to at least.
Earlier on today, I ventured into my yahoo mailbox, I found out in yahoo news that Patrick Swayze, the guy from Dirty Dancing passed away just today. It made me pretty sad and it took me about two minutes before I could recover myself enough to tell my sister the news, he was 57 years old. I don't think that's enough time on earth, but I'm praying for his family and loved ones, that God would really give them the strength to get through this difficult time, that they would not cry because Patrick's time on earth is over but that a wonderful man such as him was there with them in the first place.
But this really made me think, our time on earth is so, so short. One minute you're five, then you're fifteen. Time is passing, every day, every hour, every minute and every second. Life is moving, it doesn't stop for one second.
But my God, my beautiful God, time is in His hands, the same way that I am in His hands, and that, well that just makes me smile.
I want my life on earth to make God happy, I want to follow this Saviour of mine relentlessly, uncompromisingly, I nee
d to. It is the only way to live, every other way of life is just existing, and I don't just want to exist, I want to live. I've seen that freedom, the real kind, only comes from having surrendered to Him.

"...there is a God present who at that very moment takes possession of you. You may not feel it... but God takes possession if you will trust Him. When God has begun the work of absolute surrender in you, and when God has accepted your surrender, then God holds Himself bound to care for it and to keep it. Will you believe that? In this matter of surrender there are two: God and I-- I a worm, God the everlasting and omnipotent Jehovah. Worm, will you be afraid to trust yourself to this mighty God now? God is willing. Do you not believe that He can keep you continually, day by day, and moment by moment? "

I've been screwing up in that area lately, I haven't really been leading a surrendered life, this is why my day feels so empty sometimes, my heart knows that something, someone, a very important someone is missing.
But I've made up my mind, I will follow Him tirelessly, I will follow Him as the blind, I will spend the rest of my life in His embrace.

And I pray you'll do the same...:)
Buh-bye now

My life is the songs I write :)

So...

I'm a song-writer 'kay? I've been one for about three or four months now. It's so weird to me sometimes how it seems to come so easily when only about five or six months ago, it sounded like the most difficult thing in the world. My song-writing is very much a "God" thing, you know one of those things you just know God did in your life, something that is nearly entirely outside of your own ability or choice. I literally woke up one morning and started writing, the words just seemed to come and then when I got home to my keyboard, melodies, piano parts just came. Just like that.
I'll show you what I believe to be my best song :)

Still We Walk

[Verse 1]


The smell of death in the air
Many are fallen
The dark skies persist
And yet, we remain
You and I

The dry earth is proof
Proof of what has been
The rain refuses to come
But even in my wilderness


You are God
You are God

(Chorus)


Times have changed
I have changed
Yet You remain the same
My promise has faltered
I trusted in horses
In all this, You love me
You love me
And still we walk


[Verse 2]
Remember the day
The day I chose the path
The road less travelled
My eyes blind me to the truth
So who will I run to?
Who will stand with me?
Whom have I besides You?
You are God
You're still my God


(Chorus)


{Bridge}
Out of the depths
I cry to You
You reach for me
Call me by another name
I am Yours
And still we walk


(Chorus)


© Anita George 2009

I'll explain why I chose certain words, do bear in mind that I wrote this in about twenty-six minutes or so, I was just really getting into it that's at all. I really focused my mind and my heart on what I was trying to say and God brought the words.
"The smell of death in the air" - See, I liken faith to somewhat of a battle, and in every battle, there are casualties, so this is one reason for this particular choice of words. Again, when you are going through brokeness, God allows certain parts of your character, things that were holdind you back from being all He wants you to be to die.
"Many are fallen" - Again with the casualties part, different people will put their hope in different things, personally, I put my faith in God, these people fall, not to die physically but dreams die, plans die, potentials and even hope dies in their life, it's sad to see but it does happen.
"The dark skies persist" - Hopelessness is a recurring theme in the world we live in today.
"And yet we remain, you and I" - My hand is still in God's despite the fact that I've been through quite a lot.
So yeah, I just had to tell you this...
Buh-bye now :)

Happy times people, happy times...haha

So...

I didn't post yesterday, something I am silently cursing myself for by the way...
But yeah, a lot has happened since Friday...
Sit back and allow me to treat you to the 411, haha, I'm such a nerd...
Well, we got to the church event at Alexandra Palace pretty late, it was a struggle to actually find seats but the whole thing was amazing. Very moving, God's presence was incredibly tangible, the worship was so divine, there was a lot of prayer going on, God had already told me that He was planning great things for the event but even I was taken aback by just how amazing it was :)
I was sleepy as heck though, haha. The event was from 10:00 until about 3:00 or 4:00 am in the morning. At one point, I even felt a little bit of drool making its way out of mouth. Yes I know, eww, very unladylike, gross, yeah, I get it :P
But it was all pretty amazing, and it's events like that which cause me to fall in love with Jesus all over again. I fall more and more in love with Him everyday, it's something I can't control, something I wouldn't want to stop even if I could control it. The fact is, when it comes to the Saviour of my soul, there is just too much to love. He is my everything; my Lord, my best Friend, my mentor, my Love, my Deliverer, my Redeemer, my companion, my Truth, He is my heart.

"As I wake into Your day,I'll find my self looking towards Your way, Into darkness I slept, Unto lightness I woke, Each wake I find my self drawing closer to You"

But yeah, these are the things in my heart today...
Buh-bye now :DAnd then today, there was church, it was simply amazing. I'm the children's pastor at the church I attend and the kids blow me away everytime. They've officially captured a part of my heart with their innocence and I love them to bits :)

A great day ahead I think...

So...

Today is Friday, this week has been a pretty amazing one I have to say...so many wonderful things have happened and work experience has been better than I thought it would be. I'm smiling on the inside haha.
Well, I won't be able to post anything after work today because I've got an amazing church program coming up, it's going to be AWESOME. It's an annointing service, they only have those once a year. I still remember the last time I went, I was about three years younger and I didn't know God the way I do now, heck, I hardly knew Him at all! But even then, His presence that night brought me to my knees. His presence was so real and tangible that night that it was insane, it felt as though I was breathing Him in, my every thought that night was centered around Him.

"When I walk by the wayside, He is along with me. When I enter into company amid all my forgetfulness of Him, He never forgets me. In the silent watches of the night, when my eyelids are closed and my spirit has sunk into unconsciousness, the observant eye of Him who never slumbers is upon me."

I left with such hope for my future and I love services like that, the ones where you can just feel that something amazing has taken place in your spirit.
But yes, today's one will be amazing...
I'm looking forward to the rest of this day, it's going to be great...
So have an awesome day wherever you are, no matter what you're doing 'kay?
Buh-bye now :)

Ah, I just have to write...haha

So...

Another day of work today, I can already say that once the work experience thing ends, I'm going to miss it so bad. I swear, if I didn't have to be at school every week day, I'd want to work there for real. I've been pretty blessed, learning so much about myself and others. Having the chance to work so closely with kids has been pretty amazing because I was forgetting what it meant to be a child.
Okay, so I'm fifteen, I'll always be a child, though I'm becoming more and more of an adult each day.
I'll always be God's baby, it's a pretty little position I hold there haha.

But yeah, it's weird how rediscovering what it means to be a child has helped me understand what it means to be an adult.
Trust me when I say I have absolutely nothing figured out.
What do I know right now? God loves me, I love Him, I've surrendered my life to His, I know Him, He's the love of my existence. That is what I know, and it's weird how knowing this one thing can be the very path to knowing everything else.

"As the deer pants for water Lord, I pant for You today. My soul, it longs to be with You"

Another thing, the people I work with are hilarious, they get along really well and that makes me really happy. I am so blessed to be a part of their daily lives, even if it's just two weeks. The funniest part was when we had a meeting today, there were many funny things trust me, I can't even type them on here. You just needed to be there.

They've really made me see even more how much I love people, God's kids are amazing, seriously, this is no joke. There's so much wonder and so much to be loved in every human being that it's insane sometimes. It always makes me smile to think how they are all so different, it's beautiful actually.
And then there's one of the most amazing people in the world, my sister Mina can make me laugh like no other. She's insanely beautiful but equally, she's got character and she knows how to bring a lot of joy to my life. She escorted me back from work and we were laughing most of the time. I love her.
Then there's my brother/best-friend Precious, my partner in crime, I feel like I haven't had a chance to see him too much this week, I miss him a little in fact but I think it's good for the both of us.
Anyhoozer, these are some of the things I just had to say.

What I'm living for...

So...

I've been thinking a lot lately, about life, about why I'm here, it's so weird to me sometimes, the way life just keeps on moving, sometimes it reminds me of how when you're on a train, and you look out the window, you can't see the details properly because the train is going so fast..that's what life feels like to me sometimes.
A short while ago, I was five years old, now I am fifteen...
Thinking about my childhood, it really does feel like yesterday, it doesn't feel like a couple of years ago...

"We are not humans on a spiritual journey, we are spirits on a human journey"

In this life we live, we try to fill ourselves with a variety of things, we always trick ourselves into thinking that we are self-dependent creatures but the truth is that we're not. There is a God in Heaven, who lives in the hearts of men, for me, He is the reason why I am alive, He is the reason why we're all here. For a long time, I tried to fool myself, I tried to look for a way other than Him, but the truth is that, there isn't another way besides Him.

"Without the Way, there is no going, without the Truth, there is no knowing, without the Life, there is no living"

Every now and then, I find myself wandering away from God ever so slightly, and the emptiness I feel because of that is proof that I was created for Him. My purpose is life is to please Him, to follow Him. I don't say this because I was brought up in a Christian family, truthfully, it has little to do with it. I say it because this God is so present in my life, in my day, in my heart.

If you don't know Him, I'd encourage you to try, it's not about religion, it's not about where you're from, what you may or may have not done, it's the fact that the Creator of Heaven loves you - it's as simple as that. He loves you with a limitless, boundless love. :)

"The brevity of time casts no shadow, eternity, you say, time no longer a foe. When all that remains is my soul, to you I follow, wherever I go"

Buh-bye now :)

Ooh, some more thoughts I guess...

So...

Uh, hey there people, I hope some people are reading this blog, haha I'm a loser so doesn't really matter much to me anyway. I've really come to realise that this blog is more for me than it is for anybody else. Of course, I really hope that people can find something to relate to, something to laugh at, I hope you come away with something.
But yes, this is more about me getting my thoughts down somewhere and storing it somewhere...life goes by so quick sometimes that it's insane, days can be forgotten, and I don't want that to be the case with me, I want to remember the important bits, hence the title, which translates in english, "moments in the journey".
Okay so work was really great today, I think I worked hard, I did have a slight misunderstanding though, I made a mistake and couldn't stop beating myself up about it. I felt like such a prick at that moment seriously...but I realised that I can't let one mistake hold me back, you keep on living, your entire life doesn't just halt because of one silly little mistake.
Let's face it, life is anything but perfect but the truth is, I serve a God who is. He is the embodiment of perfection, my soul bears me witness in this fact.

"Only He can paint the sunset and the beauty of the rising sun. No human hand can match it, though millions of paintings are done."

The fact that I, imperfect and flawed as I may be, having the One who holds the heavens, the God who has everything, having Him as my everything, as my Friend, my Father, my eternal Companion, it's amazing.
I don't strive for perfection anymore, I strive to make Him happy, with the way I live my life, I want Him to smile when He thinks of me, this is the reason why I do everything I do.

Buh-bye now :D

Uh, second one today...

So...

Today is what? Wednesday now, I think it's been kind of a slow week actually. The other weeks up until this one pretty much just flew by. Going to go dressed for work in about an hour and a bit. Excited for it, still getting into the routine of being a working girl. The first day was the hardest though...it felt so weird saying, "I just came back from work". Haha, I'm laughing at myself, I can be such a child sometimes.

Still haven't gotten to writing that song yet, "Awake In The Night", pssh, who knows, I might be able to get some things down when I'm on the bus.
What am I doing right now? Listening to some beautiful piano music, I love days like these. My mum is sleeping upstairs so I really get to have the place to myself. Plus, I'm keeping an eye on the laundry, just consumed an entire bag of popcorn. Went on to Selena Gomez's twitter page today, she actually seems like a lovely person. :)
I'm just thinking about how I need to allow myself to be empty so that God can fill me properly, I'm always stuffing my life with junk, there's always a new obsession, I'm always going crazy with new fads, it's a bad way to live and I really need to stop. I need to think about who I am, I know who I am in Jesus and whenever I wander away from Him, I seem to forget a lot of important things and life doesn't even make sense.
Right now, listening to Brian McKnight's and Mariah Carey's "Whenever You Call", I pray I can find a love like that one day, to be so infinitely connected to another human being, it'd be the best thing ever.
The more I think about it, the more it makes sense to save myself for the person I decide to spend the rest of my life with. I like the idea of being able to say that you reserved your entire heart for a singular person. Of course, my heart belongs to God, it is eternally His, and that's the only way it's safe. I can't say that I won't get my heart broken but I know that it's in good hands, and those hands are capable of fixing anything.

Buh-bye now :D

"My dreams aren't gone. My heart is in one piece.
My King I will serve, until the great wedding feast."

So yeah, these are just random thoughts I've been having...
Don't expect me to make too much sense in these posts haha...:P

It appears that I'm on a roll here...

So...

First blog of the day...
I'd like to say it'll be the only but who am I kidding?
I'm just too excited about this right now and I obviously have too much to share with people, or get out of my system, either way, the outcom is the same...
I'm a lean, mean, blogging machine, haha...
It's 01:19 right now, and the sensible thing to do would be to go to bed right?
But no...
And to make matters worse, I have a song idea brewing in the back of my mind, and heart, they're both responsible for the songs I write.
I'm getting this idea of a metaphor; being awake in the night has something to do with love. Being alert, I guess when you've just had your heart broken, you can't sleep peacefully anymore, you have to stand guard over your heart.
This is really weird considering I've never had my heart broken, I don't plan to but it could happen.

"Every morning I wish it were night again,for it is only at night and in the depth of my dreams that I can feel you, and you still belong to me."

Uh huh, a song title's coming and everything, "Awake In The Night"...hmm, maybe I should change that, I probably will.

Nevertheless, this should be a completely written song by the end of the week at least.
And when I'll get to compose it, I don't know, work experience hasn't left too much space for my music so the weekend maybe...?
Anyways...

Signing out, for now at least...

Um...thoughts, I guess...

So...

I've been itching to write something, I tried to tell myself that it'd be best to wait until tomorrow, because this is what I usually do when I start something new - I completely exhaust myself until I can do it no longer. I don't want that to be the case with this blog, regardless of whether people read it or not. I want to keep this on for as long as I possibly can, because I want to read this in about a year's time and find that I've actually devoted myself to something long enough to follow it through.

This blog is about life, and even my life's not that boring, so I should have a fair amount of things to show you every day.

I can be quite funny when I want to be, although my writing is rarely ever funny but I'll try and be as frank as I possibly can 'kay?

Anyhoozer, today was the second day of my work experience and it went very well.

I can be a bit dumb sometimes and I need to have things thoroughly explained from time to time, such was the case when I arrived at work today. It was a simple task but it took a while, I wandered aimlessly for a while contemplating whether or not to actually ask for help or just find my own way. I don't know if it's pride but it's definitely something that needs to go. One of the crappier parts of my character I guess. Anyways, I did ask for help and that was that, it was sorted, why didn't I just do that in the beginning? I still don't know...

Another thing about work today; dealing with really talkative people. Ask anyone who knows me, when it comes to talking, I can TALK. I love to talk, even when it's utterly nonsensical ramblings, I'll talk your ears off if you give me a chance. But I am a quiet soul, I like to listen to God throughout the day and I like to take each moment for all it's worth, which often means not talking a lot. But yes, there was a lady who came at the beginning who just wouldn't stop, don't get me wrong, she was making sense with her words, but I like the quiet.

“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.” - Mother Teresa

Okay so I obviously want to get this whole work experience thing right; I want to learn as much as I possibly can and I want to make my God proud, to make my family proud, to make myself proud, this is true. So I was silently rejoicing when I reminded my boss of an important detail that she herself had forgotten, earning an earnest "well done!" from her. I'm not kissing up okay? :P It's just nice to get.

On that note, I think I should start doing more of that, letting people know they're doing a good job, so many people, every day go out of their way for us, to serve us, I think we should let them know their efforts are not wasted but rather, appreciated. It goes a long way I think.

I got to go outside with the kids at the center today, it was rather nice and there's a little boy who I'm especially fond of, he's a real sweet heart. It's so weird for me sometimes because I'm reminded that not too long ago, I was them. A five year old child. It's just a bit weird to me now, I can't even remember what it's like to think that way.

But I'll always be a child, of course, I'm becoming more of an adult every day but undeniably, there's the little child that I'll always be.

So yes, these are just some things I just had to say. :)

Ah, the first one...

Hello there people of the cyber, internet world...anywho, you know who you are...:)

I'll just get the formalities out of the way shall I?
My name is Anita Daniella George, I am fifteen years old, it's a good age to be by the way. I am weird, I can be very irresponsible and very careless. I can be very collected or overly excited. I can be very modest and I can be flamboyant. I am often very obsessive, once I get my hands on a new latest fad or craze, I do just that, I go crazy. Though I'll point out right now that my biggest obsession is God. He's everything I think about, He's my heart. He is my beginning and my end. Everything in my life, everything I do and everything I am flows out of the relationship I have with Him.

"This life that we live is like a vapor. That appears for awhile then goes away."

I am a student right now, a good one at that, I can be very hardworking but I have my moments where I just can't be bothered. I am currently doing my work-experience, it's going very well so far.
I love music, music is in my heart, the same way it in my head. I play the keyboard quite well, I'm still teaching myself. I write some pretty good songs and I've been singing for nearly eight years. My sound is not an easy one to pin-point but I'll give you the names of some artists who I think I write and sound like - Brooke Fraser, Kate Voegele, Michelle Branch, Bethany Dillon, you should check them all out, they're phenomenal. I would give the name of an artist I sound like but I can't pin-point anyone specifically.
I'm into photography, life is precious and is worth capturing. My dream is to buy a crazy good camera, that would make me eternally happy.
I love my family; all of them, they're amazing, they're such a part of me, I couldn't even begin to explain. They make me laugh, they tell me the truth even when I don't want to hear it, they look after me and they love me even when I don't deserve it. To lose them would be to lose a part of myself.
My friends are the best, they're better than your friends :P They're the coolest, funniest, smartest people in the world and I love them to bits.
I'm single right now, I've got no plans to date anyone right now, my plan for these next few years is to know God better, to establish my romance with Him first, to figure myself out, and to figure out who I am outside of a relationship and to truly learn what it means to love someone. I'm not at all a casual dater so...
So yup, this is my small attempt at an interesting first blog, it's probably not very interesting, and you'd get to know me a lot better over a cup of tea or on a sunny day out but you get the basics. I'm very complex. I'm a lot of things. Feel free to read my blog every now and then, but don't go all stalkerish on me.
Then again, not many might read, which is OK too :)


Buh-bye now :D